Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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