I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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