Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
