I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
