just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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