I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
