So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
