Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
