The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
