It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
