Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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