i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
