then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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