So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
