True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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