I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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