she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
