i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
