you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
