whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
