Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
