Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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