i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
