he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
