And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
