kristin has been a bad kristin
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
