she woke up with a sticky ear
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize