I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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