Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
