She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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