I must be too annoying 4 u.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
