No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
