This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
