I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
