i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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