im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
