We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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