why didn't you poke me back
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
