Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
