We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Someone came in the potted fern
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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