you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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