I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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