there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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