There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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