What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
