I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
