just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
