Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
