you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I am available for nakedness
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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