So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
