I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
