Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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