I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
