Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
