i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
