I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
