So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
