I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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