I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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