don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
