I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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