So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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