Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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