Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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