those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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