I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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