i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My pussy is not your playground.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
