I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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