escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
