I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
