i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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