Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize