Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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