I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
