Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
